Kall Värld
by Corinne Everett
Summary: Tino, along with the rest of the Nordics and his adopted son Peter, spend a few solemn moments around a grave- Berwald's. Tino reflects on the events leading up to this very moment, leaving only his perspective for those who read to understand. WARNING: You may end up in tears, and I apologize for that, but I don't seem to know ho to write happy stories. Enjoy the story. ;


It was so cold. The rain had stopped at a good time, but it didn't affect the mood at all. The usually blue sky was so dark with clouds it was practically night at nine o'clock in the morning. The five black clad figures stood around the freshly covered grave, their heads bowed. The men seemed nameless at first, but were easily picked out by appearance: Matthias, the tallest of them; Lukas, the serious and nearly emotionless; Emil, the platinum blonde; Tino, who was usually the cheeriest, and his adopted Peter. An unsettling silence lay over them, each one keeping a single expression on their face. Lukas shifted his weight from one foot to the other, shooting glances over to Tino every few seconds.

"Lukas?" Tino's voice cracked a bit when he spoke, showing how hard he was trying not to break down right now. "Do you mind taking Peter for a few minutes?" Lukas merely nodded and led the child away, leaving the other three alone. Tino took a few deep breaths and smiled mournfully. "Why? Why was it him?" The smile quickly switched to an agonized expression, tears streaming down his cheeks and landing onto the grave. "Why did he have to be the one to go? It should have been me instead!" He dropped to his knees slowly, staring at the grave stone. The sobs racked his body, not seeming to cease. Matthias carefully moved over to Tino, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave him, Matthias." Emil's warning glance was enough to get him to back away. Minutes passed, and Emil slipped away from the other two to join his brother. Tino eventually calmed down enough to breathe properly, but tears still slipped down. He made the slightest noise, only a quiet whimpering sound. His hands soon covered his face, and he seemed to just give up. "Berwald..." His voice was barely there, almost like a ghost. "Berwald...I miss you..."

**~V~**

Sunday evening, and the sun was starting to set. Tino hummed a bit to himself, pulling dishes from the cupboards. Three plates, three forks, glasses, all the essentials. Peter rolled a little car across the table, watching to see how far it would go before it stopped. Berwald had been cooped in his office all day working on God knows what, trying to finish it immediately. His boss seemed to have been constantly bothering him all week, not letting him catch a break. He rarely came out of his office unless he needed to eat, use the restroom, or sleep. Sometimes he wouldn't even do that. It was nerve-wrecking work for a gentle giant like him, especially when he was getting yelled at in Swedish over the phone about something that apparently didn't send. On rare occasions, something would be thrown across the room in frustration, and then picked up not long afterward.

"Peter, could you get your father for dinner, please? And put the car away, I don't need you playing with it at the table." Peter hopped down from the chair, pouting a little bit, but hurried off to get Berwald. Tino smiled to himself, serving the food onto plates and setting the table. Berwald came out with Peter dragging him, the corners of his mouth slightly upturned. He had needed the distraction.

The rest of the meal seemed to go on with Peter rambling on about spiders he had found outside and making up stories off the top of his head. Tino shot a few glances over at Berwald, checking up on him. He had eaten about half of his meal, and then seemed to have lost his appetite. He picked a bit at the food, taking a few bites every now and then. "Mama, can I be excused?" Tino's attention was pulled over to Peter, who was wiggling in his seat. He nodded, and Peter was gone in seconds. An uneasy silence fell over the two still sitting there, and Tino waited until he knew Peter was out of earshot.

"Berwald, what's wrong, what's going on? You've been coming to bed at two in the morning and waking up again three hours later to work more. What is so important that it's making you lose your appetite and allowing you no sleep?" Berwald looked up and stared straight into Tino's eyes. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair was tousled in a strange manner that made it look like he had combed it. Perhaps he had been running his fingers through it, or he truly had neglected to comb it. Not that Tino minded it being messy during the weekends, but it was still unnerving.

"'ve just...got a lot 'f work t' do..." Berwald put his fork down, then took of his glasses. The work really was hard on him. The fatigue was clearer in his eyes now that his glasses were off, and he stared at the table cloth as though it were the most interesting thing at the moment. Tino let out a little sigh and stood up, going over to Berwald. He wrapped his arms around him comfortingly, hoping it was helpful in some way. "Why don't you get some rest? You're working yourself to death, and I don't want to have to be a single parent, okay? Get yourself cleaned up and get some sleep." He pecked Berwald's cheek, then went to clean up the dishes. Berwald took about a minute before he stood up and left, heading towards the back of the house. _He'll be fine,_ Tino reassured himself, washing off the dishes, _he just needs some sleep._

**~V~**

It started with a phone call. Tino had left to buy a few groceries for dinner when it happened. His cell had gone off, and he had answered it swiftly. Panicked yelling, and then the sound of a gunshot. Time stood still for seconds on end. Tino's mind was racing, and the only thing he heard was a terrified voice on the other end. He couldn't make out words, and everything in his view tilted sideways. No. This couldn't be happening. This was a dream, and he would wake up in Berwald's arms like always, and everything would be fine.

It wasn't a dream. It was all real. Peter kept asking if Tino was still there, obviously in horrified tears now. "Mama! Mama, talk to me! I'm scared!" He couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He couldn't. Everything was upside down and backwards, and nothing made sense anymore. Was that really a gunshot, or had it just been something being dropped? Berwald wouldn't have done that, he was a perfectly happy man! No, no, _no_.

What happened next? Everything seemed like a blur of motion. Flashing lights, paramedics, police officers, everyone. They were all in front of the house. The neighbors had all gathered outside to see what had happened. Peter was being comforted by the elderly woman from next door. Questions. They were being thrown at him like rocks thrown at a filthy stray dog. Peter had rushed over to him and hugged him, tears streaming down his face. "What happened to Papa? Why wouldn't he come out of the room? What was that sound?" Tino stood frozen like a mannequin in front of his own house, tears welling in his eyes and dripping down his cheeks without any sound to go with them. _No._

The body was recovered. He was dead. A bullet to the head. Suicide. He was gone, and there was no way to bring him back. _He was gone._ Tino couldn't speak, couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Everything he had hoped for in life had just shattered in front of him, accompanied by the sound of a shot. He crumpled to the ground, nothing making sense. _He was gone._

Tino and Peter was given a ride to the hospital, where they had cleaned up the lifeless person who used to be Tino's husband. Matthias, Lukas, and Emil were all called and told of what happened. Tino felt like a robot, moving through the steps he was programmed to do. Despite how bright the sky was right then, everything had faded to gray. There was no happiness. No joy. Nothing. Just an endless tunnel up ahead that eventually spiraled down into a dark pit of despair. Tino felt he was already halfway to that pit. He had nowhere else to go. Maybe he should just join Berwald in death? Lukas brought forth an important point almost as if he could hear Tino's thoughts. "Peter needs you. Are you just going to abandon him to some other family without a second thought?" He wasn't. He wouldn't. He had to continue on, even though he was alone. He was strong enough.

**~V~**

"Tino, it's going to rain again. You 'n' Peter should probably head home." Tino snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Matthias. He had a slight, sad smile. He offered his hand and helped Tino up, wrapping and arm around his shoulder. "If you ever need help, just give me a call, 'kay? I'll be there for you." Tino nodded a bit, then slipped away from Matthias. He took Peter's hand, thanked Lukas curtly, and left.

"Mama? Are you okay?" He looked down to Peter and smiled feebly. "I'll be fine, Peter. It will just take me a while to get used to this. Do you think you can help me get used to it?" Peter nodded, acting like he was really strong. The smile that touched Tino's lips was a real one now. It would take a little getting used to, but he would pull his way through it, one way or another.


End file.
